This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. I LOVE being a mother. It is probably my favorite part of life. But I’m going to be honest…I didn’t enjoy Mother’s Day. I should have. My husband got me necklaces with L and J’s initials and a shirt I had wanted. He made one of my favorite breakfasts…chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. I even got to pick where we went to lunch. Not to mention, I’m lucky enough to actually be a mom. But I didn’t enjoy it.
All Christian women have heard about the Proverbs 31 wife. She seems to be perfect. She isn’t lazy. She brings honor to her husband. She gets up early to make everyone breakfast. She’s generous. She’s pretty much awesome. (Yeah, I hate her too.) You can’t get through a Mother’s Day service at church without hearing about the Proverbs 31 wife. Listening to what a virtuous wife/mother should be made me realize all the areas I’m failing as a mother and wife, but this wasn’t the only thing that brought me down. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now.
Again, I LOVE being a momma. It’s the best gig around. But I HATE being pregnant. I’m also going to throw out there that I really struggle with body image. I know I’m almost 30 years old and I should be comfortable in my skin. Beauty is on the inside. Stretch marks are battle scars. Blah, blah, blah. When you get pregnant, you gain weight, and if you’re like me, you gain too much. You can’t have wine, coffee or Mountain Dew (I know it’s bad for me…). Your clothes don’t fit. You get stretch marks. And you are waiting to meet this little person. The whole nine months is spent waiting. Waiting to have the baby. Waiting to be able to have that glass of moscato. Waiting to be able to walk a flight of stairs with feeling like you can’t breathe. Waiting to fit back in to your clothes. Waiting to feel attractive again. Nine months of waiting.
Imagine the disappointment when three months after delivery and you still don’t fit into your clothes and you still don’t feel attractive. Now, I’m not going to lie. I haven’t been trying as hard as I should. I mentioned earlier that I like Mountain Dew. Nighttime feedings and having a toddler that refuses to sleep in leave you with little energy for exercise.
When I look around, I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love living on this farm. God has truly blessed me. I love everything about my life except for me. I keep thinking that I’ll be more productive when I get more sleep. I’ll feel better when I get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I’ll enjoy that glass of wine when I have a special enough occasion.
I’ll be happy when…
This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I have a habit of it. Well, today I’m putting it out there. If you do this too, I hope that knowing that you aren’t alone will help you get to your happiness. And I hope that having others know this about me will help me put my butt in gear to start doing what is necessary for me to get there too.
So what are you waiting on? A job promotion? To lose weight? A new home? Let’s stop waiting on happiness!
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